Autor and Publisher: Adrian Anderson Published 23rd December 2018.
Blogging has taught me a new truth, a few truth, to be honest that has sent a bullet into the false concept of who I am as a human being. I claim them as my truths just to avoid irresponsibility. One truth learn is that, a man who fears rejection, isolation or criticism will stand for nothing and will hold empty values, and will abuse and be abused by his mind and by others. Sometimes we have to stand with others and at other times we have to separate to individuate and that might mean a death that we can rise from before the trumphet is sounded. With empty values comes shallow victories, in the struggles to recover our humanity and our black Mental health that has been lost our become sunken. A person who stands for nothing will fall for anything is a saying that is now forming meaning for my consciousness.
“Mangoose say, “you not a man if you no test chance.”
I am learning that we can serve humanity from displacement, with humility and that displacement is humbling.Then we can see that as individuals, we are in a universal web, with an autonomous mind, merging with other minds. I appreciate the challenges and the feedback that opens up the vortex to higher truths from God and our ancestors as well as the living. I am thankful for what “we’ are co-creating and are discovering, it is our gift and look forward to when now is then. We can make something out of nothing, a just so every human mek.
There was the discovery of the internal and external manipulators of shame that leads to death and the resurrection of the new consciousness. Shame stops consciousnes as it require pride or bravado to cover it to save ourselves from dying repeatedly. Both shame and pride are responsible for my death and has given birth to my humility, just by exercising self compassion. The truth is a bullet that penetrates and gives life to the critic. We must be able to stand and exposed ourselves to the truth for the coming forth of humility. The shame ties us and trap us in our past and drives us to think that escape is in the future, creating our anxieties without a focus on the present.
The impact of collusion with self-criticism and other criticism were addressed to allow the free flowing of a compassionate voice, a divine voice from within. Asserting this more positive internal voice has driven the less useful voices back to the abyss through repetetive prayer and meditation on positive words. A liberated spirit is a beautiful light, it was challenging to be with this light at first, as it seeks to become integrated after it was incarcerated but was habituated with compassion over time.
No one likes the truth if it is told to them, as it takes away the wonderful feeling of finding out for themselves. The safest and surest way to truth is to be guided to truth, as I have discovered. Thereafter the problem is with the question, what is the truth? There are a multitude of questions that come from that. The best truth is not the truth that is told, but the truth that is self-discovered and observed repeatedly so the answers come moment by moment.
For example, one thing that is true, is that with our history as African people who were forced or taken to the Caribbean, we should never consume cane sugar, coffee or cocoa products, in the same way, those exposed to the Holocaust in Germany should never forget the theft of their belongings and the threat to their existence back then. Our genes should ache and our ancestors’ spirit should scream “don’t you dare taste that!” And as we are rebels like our ancestors, we do not listen to the man, ancestors, spirits or God enough, even though we pretend to, is another truth. The truth is I have consumed some coffee, a few chocolate sweets in the days since I have thought of this reality. I have consumed a couple of cups of coffee with two sugars at times when I am demented. The reality is they were consumed to help soothe, numb, distract and forget the pain of our past, my past, the present and coping with the awareness of where we are now, who we have become. There is a pain that has terminated and stayed resident in our consciousness and has caused our inner turmoil.
A liberated mind, in this case, would lead to improved black mental wealth and black physical wealth. The truth is, “wealth” is less frightening and anxiety provoking than the word health for me as a black person, not sure what the truth is for others. My truth is the word “wealth” is more soothing to the ear than diabetes, failed pancreas, anxiety disorder, insanity or poor mental health. We are in need of healing. Partly because of our secret and silence due to the fear of shame, judgement and criticism when we are exposed as unwell. Could we have found compassion, had it not been for our healthy suspicion and the mistrust that we have inherited? If I was near and was feeling safe, I would be whispering the question, “is this the same mistrust some of our children have for each other and the adults around them?” I know from experience that my anxiety is asking the right person and risking an attack on my spirit and psychology and morality. My saving grace is my philosophy.
One thing that is true is, one person’s truth is another person’s suffering. Truth without compassion, however, can cause death, at least for relationships. It can also cause healing and positive adjustments in our relationships with ourselves and our health. The truth can activate gratitude, humility, neutrality, peace and forgiveness. Truthful awareness can help us to become observers of and not interferers in other peoples reality. This can reduce the drama of rescuing others when offering resources would be adequate.
Stories Can Guide Discovery of The Truth
One story that can guide us to discover and validate this truth is the narrative of “the monkey and the fish.” In synopsis, it says that the monkey observed the fish is the muddy waters after a flood. He was then seen trying to save and continue the existence of the fish, by taking them out of the muddy waters and placing them on the river bank. I think the truth is the fish drowned from too much air and or no water. The muddy waters were familiar to the fish and the tree was familiar territory for the monkey. The monkey through observation, reflection then realised that having muddy water like a fish was better than having no water at all. They would have sorted themselves and regulated the air, water balance, as the mud would have passed. This narrative was very helpful when there was a need for spiritual grounding and orientating myself to the present when feeling lost or needed to be reminded of my purpose.
An amazing truth that has updated my script and is always uplifting is “this too shall pass” no matter how muddy life gets for any of us. If we can stay in the mud long enough and learn the truth with others, our truth will manifest and God’s truth will supersede all truth. My Great Grandmother was the first person I heard say that “if we stay and watch, we won’t usually spoil the performance, no matter how bad the dance is, its the interference that causes the problem,” another undisputed truth.
Narratives that guided my self-discovery
There are so many amazing narratives that have helped to guide my discovery and self-awareness. The first time I realised that reading makes a full black man was when I bought a book at the 10,000 man march held at Trafalgar Square, in October 1998. The book was titled “Black MEN, Obsolete, Single, Dangerous?” Authored by Haki R. Madhubuti. Parts of his writing exposed me to two bits of script that guided my discovery to some reality and updated my mind’s narrative. The first bit of text stated that in America, there is a thought that “if you want to hide anything from a black man, put it in a book.” That was enough to open my mind, made me curious. I read the whole book and felt a sense of (PEACE), meaning purpose, enjoyment, achievement, closeness and engagement to my reality as black boy age 28. I looked under every sentence to see if there is a nugget hidden under them. This led me to, or should I say led to the discovery of another story from nature that was parallel to my experience of reality. It was a story that tells what happens when the fisherman catches black and red crabs. The fisherman said that ‘he put the red crab in one barrel, and the black ones in a separate barrel’. The story went on to explain that on his return the barrel with the red crabs had fewer crabs and the barrel with the black crabs was still full. It further narrated that it was observed that the red crabs climbed on the shoulders of each other and escaped the barrel so some could escape. The black crabs would pull back to the barrel any crab that tried to escape. If there was a black crab that insisted to leave their claw would be broken.
This was a wonderful story and a good social experiment to observe and learn how to survive in the barrels of the United Kingdom. The truth is it helps to explain the paranoia, the healthy suspicion or cultural mistrust. The narrative helps to eliminate a label of personality disorder. It justifies the mimicking of narcissism and not egotistic and definitely not a sign of mental health disorder and explains why we might appear to be not appreciative accepting and grateful as we must be on guard and survive simultaneously. This story of nature, helped me to realise that like in America, there is no safe place in Europe. It allowed me the awareness of what behaviours and to look for, how to hold my claw and the need to be a shoulder to climb without the expectation of gratitude or appreciation.
On page 159 of the said book, under subtitle self-knowledge is the Ethiopian saying “A cat may go to a monastery, but he still remains a cat!” Putting that quote along with the self-consciousness of the crab that comes from observation, evoked a new awareness and strengthen my resolve for further developing self-awareness and self-orientation in my relationship with other as I move from barrel to barrel or monastery to monastery. Worrying about being caught by the fisherman is one thing, but having a claw broken after being in the barrel is another thing to be vigilant about, especially if what appears to be an escape becomes announced, pronounced, or suspected.
In the European environment, we never get time off from hypervigilance, and we have to never let go of healthy suspicion. We must be mindful, prayerful and faithful and meditate on the words of a source that is greater than us.
The dilemma for our children and us now in Europe and the Caribbean
The final truth is that, if we look at the evidence, it will appear as if escape from a barrel is an illusion and in some ways, the barrel is safer than the escape but confusing,. The world inside and outside the barrel appears to lack a model of how to be and a safe space to be and become the best human being we can be and become. True emancipation of the mind is a beginning for our children. Being introduced to a book, a mental model, a role model or a safe willing mentor can be freeing and a solution to the killings and claw breaking in Europe and the Caribbean. Repeating the message from one generation to the next that “in America, it is said that, a book is the best place to hide anything from a black man. This might spark curiosity in the mind of our boys and girls, men and women who have considered self-destruction when reading would be the start of ending internalised claw breaking. We could then add the old saying that, “the pen is mightier than the sword, the knife, the gun. They might find a black story to guide their discovery to true power which has always been combined mind and combined knowledge. The truth is, true power is so much more effective when used to empower, not isolate, disconnect, disempower or discharged. Whatever the felt sense of powerlessness is, I am because you are, and you and I make we. We can empower others if we will, and whatever we will we are as such empowering. We are our truth until we realise that there is a divine truth, a spiritual truth and a truth that is more empowering than all other truth- then the flesh is just flesh and purposeless.
Truth and healing stand in unity and harmony, not individuality dressed as something else.
The truth is we cannot heal alone or discover out path alone and is best achieved with true Esprit de corps. The truth is we cannot heal the women and leave the men untreated. We cannot heal the men and leave the women to suffer because of our wilful or unwilling acts of omission of responsibility. The truth is we must stand for something and find out the true meaning of what we are standing for before we can start any healing. The truth is we cannot perpetuate wellness by breaking connections and implementing behaviours that cause our mental wealth difficulties in the first place. By this, I mean behaviours such as isolation, segregation, collusion, rejection. Ultimate power corrupts ultimately in any system even in “the family system.” The reality is the truth can be our fantasy especially if we have never had template a model of truth to follow as everyone is living their own truth as I now know I am and others and that is humility. The reality is that the truth or illusion we live in the delusion our children will live and their children too.
What If The Truth Is?
What if the truth is that the adult pen ink is mightier than the sword, knife or gun that draws blood and teach this to our children and give them another choice. What if, the truth is, what is hidden from a black man in America in a book, is hidden in the books of London, Birmingham, Manchester and the libraries of the Caribbean. What if the truth is, the poor relationships our children have with each other are a reflection of the poor relationships adults are having with each other. What if the truth is, reading makes a full black person and a more balanced mind. What if, we are individualistic appearing to be “We” focused, or dividing to rule by breaking our communities into small groups based on gender, Island our ancestors landed to be enslaved. What if the truth is our men are experiencing the same challenges our women, but we are too focused on the smaller groups as there are more trust and safety in smaller numbers. What if the truth is, our children achieve greater PEACE in prison or gangs.
PEACE, in this case, means, (P)purpose, (E)enjoyment, sense of (A)achievement, (C)closeness and (E)engagement,(Anderson 2018). What if I just stop the what iffery that activates a loss of (E)energy or Equilibrium,(G)gratitude and feeling of (O)oneness so activate my EGO. (Anderson 2018). The processing of the EGO leads every great origin, it the unprocessed Ego that the problem. I will tame my ego to claim my ego and put it on a string.
The truth is when our mental energy runs low we forget to be grateful and be at one with mind, body and spirit and observe life here and now. Instead of being blinded by “his grace” we become blinded by anger, and lapse into depression with anxiety. A mind is a wonderful thing to race and waste.
On a most serious note
“What if the basis of social control is really the induction of guilt and shame, and we have internalised and are demonstrating that without realising. What if, our children are risking life and limb to not feel that shame and guilt and shame derived from that brutal language that has displaced our compassionate language when we were taken. You that language we have acquired that we wrote to get that recognition, stimulation, certainty and power. Without intention and purpose lacks compassion and is not compassionate to the humble and passive in our nurturing and service?”
Next time we ink
Next time can contemplate cultural mistrust or healthy suspicion in our relationship with each other? I will read and research for this one so a “We” approach can prevent what-iffery.